Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
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Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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