i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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