Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
