It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
