Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
