I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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