just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
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