if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
