Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
