I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
