So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
