Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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