Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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