You really coming over, don't trick.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
