The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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