Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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