Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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