Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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