He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
