it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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