After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
