i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
