Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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