It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
