Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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