How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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