apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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