That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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