well I can't set my house on fire every night
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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