Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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