So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
