So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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