apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
