he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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