I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
