It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
