saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
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The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
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Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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