I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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