I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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