Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
