It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
