dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
