...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she pinky promised me she was 18
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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