I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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