I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
