This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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