In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
