She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
