Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize