In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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