he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
