i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
