there's paper in my vomit.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
