I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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