the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
