i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
