so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
