dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
