There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
