I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
