You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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