At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
