i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
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As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
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I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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