please come you make the beer taste better
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
