i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
