You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
