I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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