PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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