i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
