I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
