The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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