Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
