These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
