Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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