I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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