babies were throwing up all over the place
Just cropdusted the office
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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