i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
