dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
