you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
