my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You're like the curious george of whores
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
