The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
