i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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