So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
