you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
