shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
