Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
