my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I want to have your abortion
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
