I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
